"Will you be able to take it" she asked...

That is exactly what my friend asked me when I told her about my next week plans. About visiting some places,meeting a few people and she asked me in a hushed voice ," You really want to do that? Will you be able to take it? You know what happened the last time you tried...." and she rattled off. But my mind had frozen when she said "last time you tried". Yes, I had tried to go back there and meet those people and just watch. I could not. I remember coming home and crying (and I seldom cry) the whole night, thinking and re-thinking about all the decisions I had taken in the past couple of months. Usually,it all boils down to one thing, wanting a time machine! But since that ain't possible, I continue to evaluate and re-evaluate my thoughts and actions. Can I take it? I really don't know.

Someone who really meant a lot suddenly decided to play the game of hide and seek. And the game went on for a couple of months. It started off with me trying. I tried, I tried really hard to break the ice, have conversations, figure out what was wrong but nothing worked. So I left it. Because sometimes, that's all you can do. And then began the game. There were days I called and messaged with a reply that said we will get in touch soon. Some days, there were none. And then there were days other asked me about it. About the hiding place. I had no idea. Today, when it chooses to step out into the open,I am the bad guy. I am the one who knows nothing about what happened in the last couple of months. I am the one who is probably portrayed as the impatient person. Can I take that? I don't know.

Some relationships that have been treasured since almost forever, turn their back on me on the pretext of me having a "Ok,whatever" attitude. Why? Because I demanded for some time and maybe a conversation. Can I take that? Maybe not

Moral of the story: When someone asks me if "I can take it", I really never have an answer. I still don't. A friend had once said to me,"You don't have to take it,you know. You can leave it and let go". The problem is, when I try to do that, a part of me let goes of me.