Letter to Life

Dear Life,


I want you to slow down. I don't want you to rush the way you are right now. I don't want you to remind me about long gone days and forgotten times. I want you to help me enjoy each passing moment,live each day.
I want you to help me live through those "oh I want to kill someone" days. I want you to introduce me to inspiring and interesting people each day. At the same,lets remember that not all people are inspiring ,some can be normal like me.....


I hope you understand.


Thanks


Yours lovingly
Loosing Track

White Horse

The difference between reality and dreams..a very big one..Very rarely will you find both together or rather both are usually starkly different...but somehow they seem to be merging together for me..My reality is actually very close to that dream...Its so difficult to live in your dream because you are always afraid of waking up into reality.. The not so nice world where you are constantly reminded about your do's and don'ts...where it is absoluetly essential to behave in a certain way..
And then there are dreams..Where everything is happy and beautiful...I have been living in my dreams even though they are a relaity...but short lived...so the moral is to make the most of it..


Why is this post called White Horse?
Heard of that song by Taylor Swift...White Horse... some bits kind of merge every girl's dream and reality...


I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale,
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down,
Now it's too late for you and your white horse to come around


And here we have a dream and a reality..To be a princess,find true love..and then bang comes reality...thats what happens in Hollywood,in the movies,in dreams....

Lost & Found

And all this while I wanted someone who was just like me, someone who did not believe in love. Someone who wanted to be on my side at all times but no “love”. I was being so silly and stupid then. Did not realize that I was in search of love myself. Love without any boundaries and with no expectations. Love that simply meant that we would be there for each other but at the same time, give each other space.  But I did not want love.

So then I found you. You somehow fit the bill. You gave me my space but at the same time showered me with all the attention. The promise of being around. The affection. The love.

But I was not searching for love, right? I did not want it... I did not want that feeling of being “alone” when you left me...But promised to stay forever...

So I figured maybe this is love...The actual thing...Though I was kind of missing the butterflies in the stomach part. But I convinced myself that this was it... And that was when you turned out to be just like me, you did not want this...You wanted to keep what we had...You found this love unpleasant, antagonistic... Just when I had begun to love the feeling, you kind of said you don’t believe in it...

Such is the way of life...So I hope I get over you or you fall for me...

Castles in the Air

I build this...I invested in this for over 2 years... I laid the foundation, I build the structure...and suddenly you tell me that it doesn't exist!

Suddenly you say it was just a dream, it was a castle in the air..!

You say that it’s made of sand, it will break down

You say it constitutes of wind, it is invisible

You are wrong...I build it; I made it...Its mine

And I know it exists...because it is mine... Even if the world will deny its appearance, I know it’s there...

Square One

So I am back to this random place. After months of being on the "right" track, I am back to "square one". This place can be an awful one,this "square one". It makes you feel like all this time, when you felt you had finally found a destination, after all that walking around, you land up right there where you started!
An awful feeling...


But this random place, which should be familiar, is not so familiar! Boy, I am in a fix! I am being unable to distinguish between the Right and the Wrong...Its all mixed up...The only thing that seems familiar is the feeling. The Feeling of being lost with no direction,no hope..NOTHING!


Then again,the feeling seems to say something to this completely random person who has nothing to do with this whole "destination" "square one" business...The feeling says that you mean something to me...the feeling that when you are around,I want to be only myself and nobody else.. That lost and confused me seems to please you.. How bizarre is that?


So yes,here I am again...The place is called Crossroads...Right in the middle, a couple of options but absolutely no judgement power to pick one...I wonder...I wonder very often in fact that no matter how often I get here, I never seem to learn.I don't always land up in the same place but ,as always, I pick a road, I follow it for a while,but in the end, the destination is "square one". Must say, this thing called life is just one round trip..! 
There is no yellow brick road to the Emerald City of Oz...

Untitled

Yes, I have been an awful blogger with no posts and no pictures uploaded for a while...But then again,how many people actually read what I what I write...except maybe those best friends who will read this just to make me happy...But then again,who said I am writing for the world, I write for myself.
I write because it makes me happy
I write because that is the best way to express
I write because that is what I can do best


There are times when I feel I am loosing touch with myself,something seems to be wrong...And that is when the pen (or in this case the key board) becomes my best friend...!

Smiling through the night, following till eternity

The moon was shining in the sky,like never before..Her light fell onto that girl's face who was walking on that lonely path. Suddenly,she looked beautiful,almost divine. She looked up at the moon with a twinkle in her eye and said," Why are you following me today? I want to be left alone. I want to spend some quality time with myself...Go away!". But our moon was more stubborn than a mule. She was not going to leave the girl alone. Not tonight. The moon continued to follow her...

She followed

and followed

and followed

and followed

her into day...

6 months....

This is a random post,very insignificant, nothing super duper important as such...Just  wanted to post something..:P


This is just a reminder to self that 6 months have passed and 6 months to go... Time is running, faster than ever...If time were a person,it would set new records everyday... Time is running out, passing by...I can't believe 6 months are over..Where did these 6 months go to..With exams,my birthday,summer vacations,plays,internship,books,shopping,some other birthdays, articles,theatre,literature etc etc, 6 months have passed in a jiffy...


Lets see what the next 6 months have in store for me!


CANNOT BELIEVE 6 MONTHS HAVE PASSED!

A Chapter From The Diary Of A Broken Heart

This post is an attempt to not mend the heart, but to make the heart breaker realize what he/she does to that one person who may care the world for them....

They say love is painful. Even if they don't, I say it is! She is not in physical pain. Though the rate at which she is starving herself, she is the same neighbourhood as pain.That's not all! She is suffering from emotional pain, a terrible terrible heart ache.

The sinking feeling,the loneliness...

That's pretty much how she feels,all the time...

Except ,maybe when she is with people around her..Her friends,her classmates, she seems fine in class,during lectures but the minute she is out of class,alone and by herself,it seems like her soul has been sucked out of her! She goes into this phase of absolute blankness! She is sinking,going down and down and loosing view of the surface. Tears have taken refuge in her eyes but they refuse to come out..They are stuck,she is stuck..She knows this is a phase(at least she hopes),she knows that eventually she will get over it but how long is she going to be like this..she doesn't know what to do..I don't know what to tell her..         

                                                                                                          “ I am not sure if I did the right thing by confessing..But I don't feel like a girl with her crushes, I feel a little grown up..My emotions seem to be running deep within me..My brain and heart seem to be on a synchronized mode and thus no hunger and no sleep is within me anymore. I don't eat, I don't sleep. I am not hungry and never sleepy!And some questions seem to haunt me..

Why..

Why is it that if you love someone,that someone doesn't love you back??

Why is it that people disregard your feelings?

Why don't people believe in giving it a chance...give it a chance,you may fall in love! You never know what life has in store for you! And yes,many will say, wait for the "right" person to come along...But the only way to figure out the "right" person  is to experience the "wrong" ones! Ever considered "she may be worth the risk" or "he may be a nice guy"! Ever thought that by not being the "right " person for him/her,you may just help him/her break their illusion about "right" and "wrong"..even for that,you need to give it a thought, a shot..!Give it a chance now so that you don't say a "what if" later...

Don't ever catch yourself saying or even thinking "she loved me,and I told her I don't feel the same but I never even considered the possibility that I may feel the same..I never said “lets give it a chance” 

This is what she said........................
And what do I have to say.....

I don't think we are born with this instinct called love..are we? It develops through the years of our relationships with those around us. Therefore, how can one decide that they don't love the other without giving it a chance...that's all,a chance....its obvious that if I love you,I gave that feeling time to grow in me,you didn't even try!

Some times, its not about that heart break or the depression that follows.Consider the bigger picture....

Love is not instinctual,it takes time to grow,so let it grow...if he loves you,you may not love him back but at least give yourself a chance to love him..if she is in love with you,don't ask her to forget you and find the right person and move on,at least see if their was a possibility for the love to grow..Because,dear friends,life is short and hence one should consider themselves lucky if someone says ..'I love you' or even something as small as 'I have a crush on you' ..because this means that that someone gave it a chance...and you may go your whole life and not even give it a thought,let alone a chance..

Learn to love,and let that love grow..don't nip the bud before the flower blooms....You may kill that feeling for life..not within yourself,in someone else....

Mindless Nomadic Wanderings of the Mind

Sleep seems to be a little distant now… Actually very far away. The funny thing is that my eyes feel heavy, I look sleepy but somehow my mind refuses to register that. I am awake, wide awake…Staring out into the starless night, looking at the cloudy skies…And my mind is ticking, like a clock like a bomb. It’s going to blow up very soon. If it doesn’t find answers. But answers to what???? I don’t know...
Another sleepless night. Or maybe it’s going to be a while before I break into this half hearted sleep. Where I stir, lie half awake but still rather sleepy...
Is that my phone ringing? No, it is not! only wish it were...


Number of people online on gtalk and Facebook = 0...


Damn this luck. When you need someone to talk to, nobody is around. When you need time alone, the world pounces on you like it’s the end of the world and you have the secret to live on into immortality!
It’s a ruthless world we live in...
But the point is, I am still unable to sleep...those questions seem to have taken refuge in my mind. And refuse to leave till they find some answers...
I guess they will have to wait and so will I...  And the mind continues to wander around, looking for answers, asking more questions and I fall into this deep Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Drops of Nostalgia...

Look at life as a whole...Its like a big ocean...An ocean is made of drops of water...Life is made of drops of memories,of events,of people,of things..


 Events.Occasions.Moments. Incidents.Reasons


So many things happen in our lives, so many people walk in and pass by...
Each drop holds some sort of significance, each drop has a story  to tell...each drop makes me nostalgic,reminds me of a memory.


Certain events have a tendency to repeat themselves in our lives. Its like, sometimes, life has an "Action Replay" button...The same incident, the same moment,maybe the same people too.. But its a new You... But these events still remind you of the last time they took place.. And somehow you don't think its the new You..


Life has its ways of playing games.. Of repeating events that leave a mark in your life..And these events don't have to be nice all the time.. A fight, an argument..Same person,same words,same emotions but somehow its a new person from your end experiencing it.. I have had my set of "action replay" moments and it fascinated me..


It fascinated me because I could feel those same emotions all over again..Nostalgia hit me in the form of some emotions and feelings... For instance, the day my younger brother was expecting his board exam results, I could feel that excitement and nervousness like it were my results all over again... The tension, the nail-biting nervousness, the anticipation,all of it came back to me...


These emotions and feeling are a very important part of my life.. These are the drops in my ocean... Nostalgic drops...because these are a part of my yesteryear's and are the foundation to my today and tomorrow....