Of Banging Doors and Privacy

It is such a ritual for people to bang my door shut. Because they know I like my space and privacy. But sometimes,its ok for me to keep the door open and let someone walk in.. Just sometimes.

I am not lonely. I choose to be by myself. Because that's how I like it. Sure,I have loads of friends,we all do. But I like my time with self.

New Year. New Days. A Change

Happy New Year!
I was suffering from a major technological crunch and was almost back to stone age( if I may say so myself). But I am all ok now.
Back to college, same old things, applications, all of that jazz..
But 2013, seems to be a better year. I know it is.
There is a change, in me, in my belief system
To put it all in a nutshell(also because I don't feel like writing much), I am one lucky girl.

No morals, no learnings, I am just one happy-go-lucky girl. 

Im on the right track, baby I was born this way.....

Travel-O-thon

So here I sit at the airport, with awful Wifi, at a table for 4. I am the only one here as of now with a bunch of heavy winter coats, camera bags and empty chairs. My fellow travellers seemed to have found better things to do ;two of them have gone to get themselves pampered at a massage station whereas the third one(and this is just so weird) managed to find a friend at the airport and the two of them decide to go for a walk. A FRIEND! AT THE AIRPORT! WHO DOES THAT???
Anyway, that leaves me at his random coffee shop, with my lappy and a million other things to mind. Ah Well, such is life...
So after much thinking( 20 minutes to be precise), I have come to the conclusion that I prefer travelling alone, by myself. No, its not like I hate people or hate company, in fact I am pretty much the "people's person" but all this minding bag business,waiting for them to finish security, and generally all this "oh we are going together" excitement is just so blah!
Maybe I should try and look forward to this trip, in fact I am very excited. So much that I have already had two random fights at the airport with weird people( as per a friends,that is a good sign so...)

Small Joys That Make My Day

I am a non-believer. At least I was until today morning. They say if you wish for something with your heart and soul, all the powers of the universe will come together and make that wish come true. I wished for something and it came true.

The small joys of life that I experienced today, whether it was turning in that 4884 worded thesis( which was just 1500 the previous night) or watching the half smiling moon look at me... Or maybe lighting those two candles at Mount Mary and genuinely feeling at peace...Or something to do with capturing some adorable memories with fun people...These tiny things bring a ray of hope to the dullest days...Days where I hadn't slept the night or eaten right during the day...Or days when I am just not myself...These tiny things just bring back that smile...

Moral of the story is looking for happiness in the smallest of ways, that will keep your day going...:)

I shouldn't be writing this right now...

I really shouldn't!
I have so much to do , it is not even funny. Talk about awful Monday nights leading to terrible Tuesday mornings...Yuck!
But I needed to get my mind off the "newspaper reports, PPTs, assignments" and the worst, phone calls.

I was having a conversation with a friend when I spoke about Lists. And I realized how much I categorize people. I (apparently) have the following lists (as said in multiple phone calls)
1. People I have to meet
2. People I don't have to meet
3. People I need to completely avoid ( this includes Whatsapp, FB, Twitter, Gtalk,Calls, Sms)
4. My favorite people
5. My not so favorite people

And there are many more. But just these five are so funny. Isn't it pretty obvious that number 2,3 and 5 are the same people? But no, they are not! Many a times, people I don't want to meet can be my favorite people. People I need to avoid can be the people I have to meet. Like that, there a million permutations and combinations, if I may say so myself!

Ah nevertheless, people will be people, I will be me and this world is a strange place!

Moral of the story: I can't think of any wise words of wisdom so never mind!

Back from the dead?!

So here is the deal...

X and Y are really good friends. X is generally more sorted with respect to life and future but a very messed up individual when it comes to personal life and relationships.
Y is the queen of relationships and a very people person but in terms of general life, messed up.
Hence X and Y are great friends. They kind of make up for each other's differences, fill in the blanks sorts. So then one fine day Y decides to disappear into thin air. Poof! Gone! And X is left wondering now what... So X tries to contact Y but nothing works. For over a month Y is gone and X is hearing all kinds of things from Z, who happens to be in touch with Y. Whatever!
X decides to move on with life, do the things on the list because hey, that's what alphabets do...!
And then, one fine day, Y is back! Back from the dead!! And X is not the same anymore because life goes on...

OK besides the fact that at the above is an awful allegory, the point I was trying to make is that you don't disappear and then come back hoping all is the same. That never works. In theatre, usually when there is a blackout in the scene, its a sign that things are going to change. And when the lights are back on, things are not the same. So as an audience, am I to sulk that things changed or should I try and put the pieces together,accept it, move on and enjoy the show? Life is the same, people need to realize. I think there should be a tonic,which should be given in daily doses for moments of epiphany. Its is needed! The need of the hour! So as mentioned in a previous post, I don't want to be the bad guy with no fault of my own!

I think it is about time that the bubble bursts,for most people. Life moves on,it is never stagnant. Change is the only permanent thing !

Moral of the story is that although I have some duties as a friend, I am some duties to myself as an individual as well. And life goes on, no matter what...

Of Santas and Finding Friends..:)

So today happened to be one of the most amazing days ever... It started off with me sleeping through the morning. In my world, believe me, sleeping is a very big deal! It then continued into,what maybe, one of my most awesome memorable days in this course...A Bollywood theme Christmas party and revealing secret Santa...:)

I had really been excited about my secret Santa. I had no idea who it was and I was avoiding the guessing and putting the two and two together business. Surprises are always better! And more fun! 
Amidst all the mad dancing in hall 6, I had someone come and give me a card...And the cover was of me and my awesome Santa. Turned out to be a really close friend! And that just made me feel all the more special! Friendship is such a beautiful thing, friends are such awesome people. And I think the best sorts of friends are the ones who know for very little time but they seem to know you so well. They know of your excitement over small things like cards and notes, they know of your nerdyness over Harry Potter but above all they know these tiny bits about you that you have never spoken about! Friends really are great and my secret Santa/ awesome friend is the greatest of them all...:D

I am also glad I was a good Secret Santa. My secret baby came running to me from one end of the room because she was so happy. And that really made my day! So with a great Bollywood outfit, some mad music, crazy dancing and some crazy friends, my day was beyond awesome,it was phenomenal..:D

Moral of the story is that  a Bollywoodish/filmy type day is nice! Bollywood adds glitter to the dullest of days..:D

Passing Happy Days

The last couple of days have made me really realize how much I truly love theatre. With 2 performances in the last 72 hours, I don't feel that theatre deprived anymore.
Our Dear Diary performance went really well. We received great comments from our peers and it just felt awesome. Criticism in good but constructive criticism is way better. Post DD, we began to work on our second play. I think I enjoyed the process of figuring out what to do more than the actual stage presentation. So many ideas, so many variations, it was just brilliant.
The execution of the play was more of figuring out random scenes here and there. Most of it was impromptu. And I am so glad we could pull it off...

Rooh productions present

Awwww...Its a love story...<3

So we were pronounced the best production and I have never been happier. The happiness translated into a great mood that has lasted me over 24 hours. Big Surprise there!

My secret Santa had a huge role to play in this. The chocolates but most importantly the Harry Potter print out. So much cuteness!

Tomorrow is going to be a good day, I know that. I am excited to know who my Santa is, more excited to see the reaction of my secret baby.

Moral of the story is that happiness is not a privilege , its more of a birth right.:)

"Will you be able to take it" she asked...

That is exactly what my friend asked me when I told her about my next week plans. About visiting some places,meeting a few people and she asked me in a hushed voice ," You really want to do that? Will you be able to take it? You know what happened the last time you tried...." and she rattled off. But my mind had frozen when she said "last time you tried". Yes, I had tried to go back there and meet those people and just watch. I could not. I remember coming home and crying (and I seldom cry) the whole night, thinking and re-thinking about all the decisions I had taken in the past couple of months. Usually,it all boils down to one thing, wanting a time machine! But since that ain't possible, I continue to evaluate and re-evaluate my thoughts and actions. Can I take it? I really don't know.

Someone who really meant a lot suddenly decided to play the game of hide and seek. And the game went on for a couple of months. It started off with me trying. I tried, I tried really hard to break the ice, have conversations, figure out what was wrong but nothing worked. So I left it. Because sometimes, that's all you can do. And then began the game. There were days I called and messaged with a reply that said we will get in touch soon. Some days, there were none. And then there were days other asked me about it. About the hiding place. I had no idea. Today, when it chooses to step out into the open,I am the bad guy. I am the one who knows nothing about what happened in the last couple of months. I am the one who is probably portrayed as the impatient person. Can I take that? I don't know.

Some relationships that have been treasured since almost forever, turn their back on me on the pretext of me having a "Ok,whatever" attitude. Why? Because I demanded for some time and maybe a conversation. Can I take that? Maybe not

Moral of the story: When someone asks me if "I can take it", I really never have an answer. I still don't. A friend had once said to me,"You don't have to take it,you know. You can leave it and let go". The problem is, when I try to do that, a part of me let goes of me.

Of Love And Lies...

Wow. I am actually making an honest attempt to write again. If only I was so good with my college research...never mind that...lets pretend I never wrote that..

Today was one of those days that you remember forever. A day when I laughed so much that my stomach hurt and generally had a great time. Also a day where I learned the true meaning of "crossing the line". It started off with a brilliant theatre class. We were split into groups, picked a name for the group, a genre an then began to write a script. It was my first experience writing a script and I loved every minute of it. It was amazing how I could hear,feel and see each moment as we put it down on paper. I could hear the drop in her voice, feel the hurt in him when she decides to go away. I had a fellow classmate with me. She too loves theatre and it was lovely to watch our ideas resonate. We managed to bring together a rough script. In my head, I already had a lighting plan, the kind of costumes we could put together, the props. It was just so amazing. The emotion behind it all. I guess this is why I wish to do theatre, because it feels real. It perks me up, makes me come alive and I always want to give in my best... Our play has been called "Dear Diary"(haha). I will write more about the play once we have finalized more...I am just so excited about it...
Post college, I spend some time with a couple of friends. The 3 of us are actually an odd group. I know one of them for almost 14 years and the other one for just about 14 days or so. But we had a crazy time. We sat at a bar, sang some random songs, walked a great length for some cheesy nachos and eventually the 2 of us took the bus ride back home. It was during this bus ride that I discovered something about myself. I have a talent, a talent to piss people off. The bus ride lead to us calling a third friend, planning to meet for some ice cream and a promise to tell her some gossip. What started off as a narration eventually landed up in me putting my talent to full use.I decided to play a prank by saying that the boy(who was a jerk) she had been in love with for almost forever but who didn't give a damn about her existence is seeing someone else.My 14 year old friend accompanied me and soon the both of us were trying to keep a straight face as we fed her with random bits of information about this boy. We had no intention to hurt her, it was a practical joke gone too far. When we were out of ideas,we eventually said that it was a joke. Her reaction was not what we expected. She stormed out. We followed her, trying to explain that it was a joke,we knew nothing. She turned to me and said "You knew everything, you knew how I felt" and just went on walking. The both of us (that is the 2 jokers) decided its best we let her calm down and then we talk. But this got me to thinking about something someone else had told me a few months back about friends and practical jokes ; about how friends can kid around with each other. This incident reminded me of how angry I had got at someone when he played a random joke on me, ; i had got so angry that I almost broke off our friendship.
Moral of the story is that life runs like a cycle. It all comes back to someday, and that very day you need to face it. Needless to say, I had a great day but my own foolishness ruined the last bit. Though I will not let that spoil my mood, I am thinking About many things that I have said to someone in the last few months...

Random Rambling Me...

Give me a second I
Need to get my story straight...

Yes I do. I haven't written in forever. And as I read through my old posts, I think to myself "I need therapy"... Majority of them were about loss and heartbreaks and other sad things... I am not sad. I am a happy go lucky person. At least I try to be...

A couple of weeks back, during a relationship management workshop in college, we had a session called Gift of Happiness. Each classmate was to write about the other on a piece of paper. The catch was that the comment would be anonymous. We had an option of skipping people we knew nothing about...After a long half hour of passing paper, random looks here and there,I got hold of my paper.
I really wanted to know what my classmates thought of me as and there it was, in front of me. " You are a very happy person.""love the way you laugh"."your laughter is contagious"...Wow!
A whole bunch of thoughts began to run in my head. I called my best friend later and laughed at the fact that everyone thought I was so happy when ,in reality, I am so so not...But then,I thought again why should I not be happy... Why should I not laugh...(I am most of time)

I realize that many a time, you spend you so much time with people who are unhappy, that you become unhappy. A friend of mine always told me that I cannot fix things for the world, I cannot solve everyone's problems..in short, I am not super girl. But hey, whats wrong in trying to be a super girl? Actually, a lot of things are..for one if you are like me, then their problems become your problems, take ample amount of space in your head and voila, you have the recipe to disaster...I no want disaster..

I once called a friend a cross between a touch me not and a venus fly trap plant. An awful allegory, I know, but makes so much sense...From far,yo seem like a touch me not but as people try to get closer and as they are at their closest best, you snap their head off like a venus fly trap does to its preys. Weird allegory...

So now I have decided that I will try and write more often. Makes me feel better..

Something is lost...

I use to be a happy person. I was happy for the longest time. I was happy with my life, my course, my friends, everything. Then why this sudden feeling of emptiness...
Is it because suddenly the temperature in my city has dropped( they always say, with lower temperature comes gloominess..)
Is it because of the irony is my life...
What is it...I am not happy!

And I stopped believeing...

And they kept saying "this too shall pass" or  "this happens all the time"...
They kept saying these things, things kept happening
And one fine day, I stopped believing! I stopped believing in everything they had to say...I just believed that this is how it will be because this is how its been for almost forever... 
No I am not a depressed soul who has lost meaning in life... I have just stopped believing in those intrinsic happy wala feelings...They don't exist...Being happy is a privilege,being unhappy is a way of life...

Piece of Mind

Its hard to imagine how quickly time seems to be passing. I miss so much of my old days. I miss the roadside shopping with my best friend, the crazy beach side walks with my childhood buddy... We seem to have no time for anything and its just scary!

I always seemed to be the sorts who would have time for everything,for all my friends, for life in general..

Now it seems like I have no time for myself... Things are just going so fast...And I am trying to hold onto it all...Not working...

I am in my imagined perfect place, this is where I always wanted to be but then again, what am I loosing out on... I guess you have a price to pay for getting what you want..and I am paying that price by loosing out on time... Time with friends and with myself... Yes it has been a while since I did something for myself, just for myself... and I am not talking about random retail therapy moments, something much more than that...

When was the last time I held that hand because I really wanted to not let go...?

When was the last time I walked that path because I wanted to and not because that was my only choice...?

Damn, this whole deal with future is pretty not happy...

Ah but I will survive... I hope!

Store it in a bottle!

There are certain moments in your life that you wish you could have held on to  forever...
There are some people who you wish had never left
There are some walks you wish had lasted forever
There are certain feelings you wish would experience over and over again


There are some smiles that are hard to miss
Laughter that is always heard
Signs of love and friendship
That make the dullest days bright....


So here is a wish..That may all these moments,experiences,feelings be stored in a tiny bottle of hope,faith and love...That they remain in my heart forever!

Some conversations

Sometimes,you have the most random conversation with the most random person..and that conversation makes an impression..and leaves you with a lifetime lesson...


Sometimes,you have some conversations you never wanted to but at the end of it,you feel glad it happend...


Sometimes,you have that much needed conversation,that was to happen a while back,but you kept pushing it off your "to do" list because you wish it were to never happen...


Sometimes, you just have that perfect conversation,which was random,never wanted but much needed at the same time...And,that my friend,is the best conversation ever...Because it leaves you with something new about yourself....

Favorite Time Of The Year

D.E.C.E.M.B.E.R

This is most definitely my favorite time of the year. No,its not because of Christmas or New Year... December is THESPO TIME!!!


So basically Thespo is a youth theatre festival that has been happening for the last 13 years. This year, Thespo has turned into a teenager and a "dramatic" one at that... I got introduced to Thespo last year through a friend who urged me to attend the volunteer meeting and then com for the other meetings and be a part of Team Thespo...Boy, am I glad I joined in... I can confidently say that Thespo is by far the best thing that has happend to me in a very long time... There is so much life and fun to this festival  that if you take part in it once, you crave for a another chance. 


Thespo 12 is very close to my heart as it was my very first Thespo...That was last year and now as we count days to Thespo 13 (11 days), I look back and realize that I have learned so much...Not just about theatre but about team work, about running a festival, about goofing up about a million times but still not giving up, about loving every moment of those stressful sleepless nights...


Thespo 13 gave me the tag of SYTT(Second Year At Thespo)... The stress has just begun.. With 11 days in hand, decor to be done,designs to be made,articles to be written,one would think we will never make it...


But the spirit of theatre never dies among us "thespo-ites"...


I urge one and all to come and attend the festival.. You don't have to watch the outstanding plays or participate in the phenomenal workshops.. Just come and watch the spirit of youth unfold..


Thespo 13- Theatre Tera Mera


http://thespo13.blogspot.com/

Letter to Life

Dear Life,


I want you to slow down. I don't want you to rush the way you are right now. I don't want you to remind me about long gone days and forgotten times. I want you to help me enjoy each passing moment,live each day.
I want you to help me live through those "oh I want to kill someone" days. I want you to introduce me to inspiring and interesting people each day. At the same,lets remember that not all people are inspiring ,some can be normal like me.....


I hope you understand.


Thanks


Yours lovingly
Loosing Track

White Horse

The difference between reality and dreams..a very big one..Very rarely will you find both together or rather both are usually starkly different...but somehow they seem to be merging together for me..My reality is actually very close to that dream...Its so difficult to live in your dream because you are always afraid of waking up into reality.. The not so nice world where you are constantly reminded about your do's and don'ts...where it is absoluetly essential to behave in a certain way..
And then there are dreams..Where everything is happy and beautiful...I have been living in my dreams even though they are a relaity...but short lived...so the moral is to make the most of it..


Why is this post called White Horse?
Heard of that song by Taylor Swift...White Horse... some bits kind of merge every girl's dream and reality...


I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale,
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down,
Now it's too late for you and your white horse to come around


And here we have a dream and a reality..To be a princess,find true love..and then bang comes reality...thats what happens in Hollywood,in the movies,in dreams....

That Girl In Yellow Boots

So yes, I did spend a good 300 bucks on the movie. After much thought, I came to the conclusion that it ain't that bad a movie. Actually,its definitely worth a one time watch, maybe even more. A lot of people may not agree with me on this but nevertheless, I would want people to watch this movie. Its dealing with a very sensitive issue of child molestation but in a different way(sorry,kind of gave it away). Its an unconventional movie and has very close links with theatre(giving me a good enough reason to watch the film!) Kalki,Naseeruddin Shah,Kumud Mishra,Gulshan)  are actually artists from the theatre industry.Theatrewallas ,all of them who have done a magnificent job. Besides that,there are other reasons as mentioned below


1. The Cinematography
Once again, Anurag Kashyap manages to deliver a film which is brilliant when it comes to its cinematography.The usage of light to depict the darkness in the mood and the shaky camera movements certainly added to the film's overall appeal. The use of space was also great. Though the film can make one feel claustrophobic due to the usage of small spaces like rooms,trains,rickshaws,it most certainly has given the film a flavour of its own.


2. Kalki
A new discovery to the Hindi Film Industry. Kalki originally did plays before she plunged into Bollywood with her much acclaimed role of Chandramukhi in Dev D. In That Girl In Yellow Boots, Kalki managed to give Ruth the much deserved set of emotions  along with a subtle hint of drama.


3.Background Music
Not too many songs as such but the background music served its purpose well.


4. Style and Costume
Overall, I loved Kalki's look in the film. The sling bag, skirts and razor back tops gave her a very casual look. The make up was also subtle( except when maybe she turned to the red lipstick). But her outfits were simple yet they had that hippie feel to them.


5. Yellow Boots
Of course, the yellow boots fall into a separate category of their own. Though one may barely get a glimpse of them in the film. very interesting concept in terms of title!I love the idea of relating boots to struggle.


6. Dialogues
The dialogues have been written with finesse . There is no vulgarity as such( again except when they fire abuses at each other). But again,Kalki managed to deliver the lines as required.


7. Mumbai
The film is not essentially about Mumbai but it captures some of those locations that make up to be the essence of Mumbai. For instance Crawford Market, local trains. Somehow, I loved the way the local trains were shot. The hair flying,sleeping in the corner,next to the window..Something one can relate to if you are a Mumbaikar. Also the forever crowded streets of Mumbai just somehow added to the psychological aspect of the film i.e. Ruth's struggle to find her father and the million obstacles she had to face.


8. Kumud Mishra
Honestly, I have loved him since I saw him acting as the cutest Captain Hook in Peter Pan (an Akavarious Production) this Summertime at Prithvi. His role in this movie was very different from the adorable Captain Hook. In fact, the audience may not accept his role that easy. But Kumud Mishra has done a brilliant job. A not so big role but big enough to hit the climax of the movie.