Passing Happy Days

The last couple of days have made me really realize how much I truly love theatre. With 2 performances in the last 72 hours, I don't feel that theatre deprived anymore.
Our Dear Diary performance went really well. We received great comments from our peers and it just felt awesome. Criticism in good but constructive criticism is way better. Post DD, we began to work on our second play. I think I enjoyed the process of figuring out what to do more than the actual stage presentation. So many ideas, so many variations, it was just brilliant.
The execution of the play was more of figuring out random scenes here and there. Most of it was impromptu. And I am so glad we could pull it off...

Rooh productions present

Awwww...Its a love story...<3

So we were pronounced the best production and I have never been happier. The happiness translated into a great mood that has lasted me over 24 hours. Big Surprise there!

My secret Santa had a huge role to play in this. The chocolates but most importantly the Harry Potter print out. So much cuteness!

Tomorrow is going to be a good day, I know that. I am excited to know who my Santa is, more excited to see the reaction of my secret baby.

Moral of the story is that happiness is not a privilege , its more of a birth right.:)

"Will you be able to take it" she asked...

That is exactly what my friend asked me when I told her about my next week plans. About visiting some places,meeting a few people and she asked me in a hushed voice ," You really want to do that? Will you be able to take it? You know what happened the last time you tried...." and she rattled off. But my mind had frozen when she said "last time you tried". Yes, I had tried to go back there and meet those people and just watch. I could not. I remember coming home and crying (and I seldom cry) the whole night, thinking and re-thinking about all the decisions I had taken in the past couple of months. Usually,it all boils down to one thing, wanting a time machine! But since that ain't possible, I continue to evaluate and re-evaluate my thoughts and actions. Can I take it? I really don't know.

Someone who really meant a lot suddenly decided to play the game of hide and seek. And the game went on for a couple of months. It started off with me trying. I tried, I tried really hard to break the ice, have conversations, figure out what was wrong but nothing worked. So I left it. Because sometimes, that's all you can do. And then began the game. There were days I called and messaged with a reply that said we will get in touch soon. Some days, there were none. And then there were days other asked me about it. About the hiding place. I had no idea. Today, when it chooses to step out into the open,I am the bad guy. I am the one who knows nothing about what happened in the last couple of months. I am the one who is probably portrayed as the impatient person. Can I take that? I don't know.

Some relationships that have been treasured since almost forever, turn their back on me on the pretext of me having a "Ok,whatever" attitude. Why? Because I demanded for some time and maybe a conversation. Can I take that? Maybe not

Moral of the story: When someone asks me if "I can take it", I really never have an answer. I still don't. A friend had once said to me,"You don't have to take it,you know. You can leave it and let go". The problem is, when I try to do that, a part of me let goes of me.

Of Love And Lies...

Wow. I am actually making an honest attempt to write again. If only I was so good with my college research...never mind that...lets pretend I never wrote that..

Today was one of those days that you remember forever. A day when I laughed so much that my stomach hurt and generally had a great time. Also a day where I learned the true meaning of "crossing the line". It started off with a brilliant theatre class. We were split into groups, picked a name for the group, a genre an then began to write a script. It was my first experience writing a script and I loved every minute of it. It was amazing how I could hear,feel and see each moment as we put it down on paper. I could hear the drop in her voice, feel the hurt in him when she decides to go away. I had a fellow classmate with me. She too loves theatre and it was lovely to watch our ideas resonate. We managed to bring together a rough script. In my head, I already had a lighting plan, the kind of costumes we could put together, the props. It was just so amazing. The emotion behind it all. I guess this is why I wish to do theatre, because it feels real. It perks me up, makes me come alive and I always want to give in my best... Our play has been called "Dear Diary"(haha). I will write more about the play once we have finalized more...I am just so excited about it...
Post college, I spend some time with a couple of friends. The 3 of us are actually an odd group. I know one of them for almost 14 years and the other one for just about 14 days or so. But we had a crazy time. We sat at a bar, sang some random songs, walked a great length for some cheesy nachos and eventually the 2 of us took the bus ride back home. It was during this bus ride that I discovered something about myself. I have a talent, a talent to piss people off. The bus ride lead to us calling a third friend, planning to meet for some ice cream and a promise to tell her some gossip. What started off as a narration eventually landed up in me putting my talent to full use.I decided to play a prank by saying that the boy(who was a jerk) she had been in love with for almost forever but who didn't give a damn about her existence is seeing someone else.My 14 year old friend accompanied me and soon the both of us were trying to keep a straight face as we fed her with random bits of information about this boy. We had no intention to hurt her, it was a practical joke gone too far. When we were out of ideas,we eventually said that it was a joke. Her reaction was not what we expected. She stormed out. We followed her, trying to explain that it was a joke,we knew nothing. She turned to me and said "You knew everything, you knew how I felt" and just went on walking. The both of us (that is the 2 jokers) decided its best we let her calm down and then we talk. But this got me to thinking about something someone else had told me a few months back about friends and practical jokes ; about how friends can kid around with each other. This incident reminded me of how angry I had got at someone when he played a random joke on me, ; i had got so angry that I almost broke off our friendship.
Moral of the story is that life runs like a cycle. It all comes back to someday, and that very day you need to face it. Needless to say, I had a great day but my own foolishness ruined the last bit. Though I will not let that spoil my mood, I am thinking About many things that I have said to someone in the last few months...

Random Rambling Me...

Give me a second I
Need to get my story straight...

Yes I do. I haven't written in forever. And as I read through my old posts, I think to myself "I need therapy"... Majority of them were about loss and heartbreaks and other sad things... I am not sad. I am a happy go lucky person. At least I try to be...

A couple of weeks back, during a relationship management workshop in college, we had a session called Gift of Happiness. Each classmate was to write about the other on a piece of paper. The catch was that the comment would be anonymous. We had an option of skipping people we knew nothing about...After a long half hour of passing paper, random looks here and there,I got hold of my paper.
I really wanted to know what my classmates thought of me as and there it was, in front of me. " You are a very happy person.""love the way you laugh"."your laughter is contagious"...Wow!
A whole bunch of thoughts began to run in my head. I called my best friend later and laughed at the fact that everyone thought I was so happy when ,in reality, I am so so not...But then,I thought again why should I not be happy... Why should I not laugh...(I am most of time)

I realize that many a time, you spend you so much time with people who are unhappy, that you become unhappy. A friend of mine always told me that I cannot fix things for the world, I cannot solve everyone's problems..in short, I am not super girl. But hey, whats wrong in trying to be a super girl? Actually, a lot of things are..for one if you are like me, then their problems become your problems, take ample amount of space in your head and voila, you have the recipe to disaster...I no want disaster..

I once called a friend a cross between a touch me not and a venus fly trap plant. An awful allegory, I know, but makes so much sense...From far,yo seem like a touch me not but as people try to get closer and as they are at their closest best, you snap their head off like a venus fly trap does to its preys. Weird allegory...

So now I have decided that I will try and write more often. Makes me feel better..

Something is lost...

I use to be a happy person. I was happy for the longest time. I was happy with my life, my course, my friends, everything. Then why this sudden feeling of emptiness...
Is it because suddenly the temperature in my city has dropped( they always say, with lower temperature comes gloominess..)
Is it because of the irony is my life...
What is it...I am not happy!

And I stopped believeing...

And they kept saying "this too shall pass" or  "this happens all the time"...
They kept saying these things, things kept happening
And one fine day, I stopped believing! I stopped believing in everything they had to say...I just believed that this is how it will be because this is how its been for almost forever... 
No I am not a depressed soul who has lost meaning in life... I have just stopped believing in those intrinsic happy wala feelings...They don't exist...Being happy is a privilege,being unhappy is a way of life...

Piece of Mind

Its hard to imagine how quickly time seems to be passing. I miss so much of my old days. I miss the roadside shopping with my best friend, the crazy beach side walks with my childhood buddy... We seem to have no time for anything and its just scary!

I always seemed to be the sorts who would have time for everything,for all my friends, for life in general..

Now it seems like I have no time for myself... Things are just going so fast...And I am trying to hold onto it all...Not working...

I am in my imagined perfect place, this is where I always wanted to be but then again, what am I loosing out on... I guess you have a price to pay for getting what you want..and I am paying that price by loosing out on time... Time with friends and with myself... Yes it has been a while since I did something for myself, just for myself... and I am not talking about random retail therapy moments, something much more than that...

When was the last time I held that hand because I really wanted to not let go...?

When was the last time I walked that path because I wanted to and not because that was my only choice...?

Damn, this whole deal with future is pretty not happy...

Ah but I will survive... I hope!